Confession

I often feel sorry for myself.  You are probably thinking that I'm talking about my struggle with infertility right now, and even though at times I do feel sorry for myself (because it sucks and it's not fair!) I know that many people struggle with infertility and other unfair things in life and I know that everything will work out somehow.  But what I need to confess right now is that I often feel sorry for myself as I think I don't have enough friends.

I started dating Micah when I was 15 which means I spent a lot of time with him in high school.  Micah and I transferred to CU Boulder together in college so it took work to reach out and make friends because it was so easy for us to automatically do things with the two of us.  Also, transferring to a school makes finding friends extremely hard as most people form friendships as freshman.  And then the friends we did make at CU graduated and moved away while we stayed in Boulder so Micah could go to grad school.  At that time we were newly married with zero married friends in CO.  And moving to ABQ was the toughest on us for friendships because we didn't work with many people our age, so we had to be very intentional in meeting people.  On top of it all, I am an introvert by nature and I struggle to find the balance between the time I need alone to feel re-energized and too much time alone which makes me feel lonely.

But I have to say, the comments on my first blog post and the emails I have received from others make me realize I am extremely blessed with wonderful friendships (and family!).  Not everyone lives close by so I can't hang out with everyone very often, but I am fortunate to have friendships with so of the most amazing women.

Even though I spent so much time with Micah in high school, somehow I have stayed in touch with my high school friends over the years and I believe our friendships have actually grown deeper.  Each of these women has a strong faith, which I admire. Katie, Rachel, Melissa and Lyndsey - I cherish our lifelong friendships.

I often struggled in CO as I didn't have a million friends in college like so many others, but my friendship with my college roommate Joy is better than having a million friends.  God brought her in my life right when I needed a good friend, and I am so thankful for her.  Joy - I have learned so much from you and I am so glad we were able to live together for a couple of years.

I had numerous jobs while in school in CO, but one job will stick out in my mind forever as I met Megan who is not only the best dancer I'v ever met :), but also one of the most honest people people I know.  She isn't one to hide her thoughts and feelings, which (although sometimes got her in trouble as a bank teller :) ) I always find refreshing.  Megan - you have stretched me in so many ways as you challenge ideas and question things, which is an admirable quality.

And when I started my first job after college, I formed friendships with two great girls who were both on their way to being married, which was awesome as Micah and I finally had married friends in CO!  Their husbands got along great with Micah and we always had so much fun together.  In addition, it was great to have CPA friends so that we could not only share our frustrations with work but we also can continue to encourage one another in our careers.  Paige and Genevieve - you both made my time at Deloitte so much better and I am so thankful that we were able to spend a few years together in CO.

Although our move to ABQ was much tougher than our move to CO for many reasons, God has blessed us with many friends and a great community through our church.

• Val - although our time in ABQ together was short, Micah and I loved hanging out with your family and I learned so much from you.  

• Daniela, Amy and Sarah - I have loved getting to know you three through D-Group and every time we meet I am so thankful for the wisdom and insight that each of you have. 

• Araceli - We come from completely different backgrounds and experiences, and you have taught me so much about life.  I would not have survived two years in my last job if it wasn't for your smiling face and your friendship.

• Paige - Micah and I have had a ton of fun with you and Ben the times that we have hung out and we need to continue to do so ;).  The faith you have in God's plan for Isen's life has been a great testimony to me and I love that we are in ABQ with you and Ben right now.

When I look back over the years I see that God has provided great friendships for me every single step of the way.  And now, as I face infertility and prepare to go through IVF in a couple of months I realize that I am surrounded by strong, wonderful women and I know that will help me so much as female friendships are a very necessary and powerful thing in my life.